I am midnight drunk by noon
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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