I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
