ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize