At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
