Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
