he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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