It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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