Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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