i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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