My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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