So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
