Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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