final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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