he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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