And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
