youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize