My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
