best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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