i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
