Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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