just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
