I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
