i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
