brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
