If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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