i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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