Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
