Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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