I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize