bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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