so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
