I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
