Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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