Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
