Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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