she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
