i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
