it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she smelled like a LAN party
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
