So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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