I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
