i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
