how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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