Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
