and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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