Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
