You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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