Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
