it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
