you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
