I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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