I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
