Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
