we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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