If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
