margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
