i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
