tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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