Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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