Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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