I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
