??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
