i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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