Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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