Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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