I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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