I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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