I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
