cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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