My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
