rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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