I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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