my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
