Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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