my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize