God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
